Wednesday, April 13, 2011

An attempted summary

So it's another Wednesday night at BCOM. I am tired from work and haven't done much of anything since getting off. Unlike all the other days gone by though, this one just feels different. It may be the fact that there is a beautiful sunset outside which strikes me in a way that so many have back in Fargo. It may be just the fact that I am trying to be nostalgic of the last few months of my life. It may be from the reality of missed opportunities that lay so abundantly on my life path. I can't pin point a single point, but for whatever reason I just feel like I am supposed to write a wrap of the year right now.

I have gone into detail for so many of the life altering events that have gone on in me, for me and through me this year so I won't rehash them here. I will try to bring into a view the "lesser" details that have been going on. I have seen all the students here grow. Some have grown more in love with Jesus and some have seemingly lost all concern for Him. Speaking for my class, I have seen and been involved in a lot of quarrels, bad days, reconciliation and growth. Some say we are united, most say we are divided and that is how I would lean. Everyone has there clique and some don't even have that. It's easy to establish where they came from and why they have formed and it's not all bad. Close community is a good thing for all people and is hard to find in the quality that it is available in here and not to sound too trite about it, but we are Christians so we are very good at dividing ourselves.
Am I a perfect example? No, God no. But I observe and seek to understand why things are the way they are - beyond the typical excuses..."we are fallen" etc. What have I observed you may ask yourselves? Sum it to say hypocrisies that could be found in any congregation of believers. Let me go into detail though. Here at BCOM there is a strong emphasis placed on Prayer and Fasting. Totally good things to be sure but it's funny to me how rarely people will meet together for corporate prayer. I really started noticing this a few months ago when a lot of people were having a tough time of things.
The solution that was arrived at, get together one night and pray for each other. Totally a blessing, but what about the rest of the time. I wonder if, in our whole Spirit - filled zeal we have lost sight of meeting together often for prayer. The school builds it into our schedules to a degree, but I know that it would be so much more effective if we sought after it on our own. For the detractor, who says that I am not supposed to judge, well they are right to a degree but that whole no judging crap has gotten us into the whole that we find ourselves in today in America. I made an effort of trying to get beyond the schedule and have time for prayer together but no one ever showed up.
It just confuses me that people pray for growth and revival but so rarely meet together and pray. I don't want things to change because of anything I say, but because of what the Word says for us to do.

So is that all I can say, no - but let me preface with this - I understand that this is a missions school where most students are studying with at least one eye on the world outside of America but it is really annoying how little attention we pay to this country that we are in and have profited from so much. The most stirring example of this was from a few weeks ago. The day of the earthquake in Japan specifically. Well it was announced in chapel and we had a time of prayer for it. Is that bad, no and should have been done without question but during the entire chapel - which happened to be a time wholly meant for prayer - there wasn't one mention of Mardi Gras. I haven't made a big deal of it and have been intentionally trying to not talk about it because it's a personal gripe but really, we want to be instruments of change but we over look one of the biggest annual abominations that this nation has produced. It's wrong, just wrong.

I don't like talking about this stuff, because well, it's been a good year for the most part but it seems inappropriate and dishonest to paint the picture the way that I have for most of this year. I have grown like crazy, and really don't even know how to quantify my growth yet because of this bubble but it hasn't been all roses and sunsets this year. Will I be back next year, I hope so and really desire to return. But instead of just brushing over everything for a few more weeks and look forward to what next year will possibly...hopefully bring I needed to express.

Maybe that's what feels different about the day, that I needed to express all this stuff.