Wednesday, July 27, 2011

in pursuit of God - updated

There are a few sayings I have that are really slogans for my life. Two of the first ones are in my names here, days of a disciple and a work in progress but another has been coming up with me lately and that is the title of this piece.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to write this one, but a couple days ago when I doing some reading I got the confirmation that I needed to go for it.
The scripture that inspired me was Psalm 119:58 - 61.
I sought Your favor with all my heart; Be gracious to me according to Your word. I considered my ways and turned my feet to Your testimonies. I hastened and did not delay to keep Your commandments. The cords of the wicked have encircled me, but I have not forgotten Your law.
There have been times when I have heard God, known what God wanted me to do but out of my fear would resist for a time. The amount of time varied depending upon what it was and how much it would shake me. 
One of  examples that was inspiring me to write this earlier happened at Sonshine. I was listening to one of the speakers and felt like I was supposed to sponsor one of the children through Compassion international. I walked over to one of the tables and looked at the possibilities but none of them really stuck out to me so I went into the civic center and looked at the other table of children. One young girl stuck out to me. I wasn't really excited about it because funds are a little bit tight and I am trying to get to a point where I can pay for as much of next year of school as possible so I resisted for a little while but made the choice to follow God's leading even though I didn't know where the extra funds would come from. It was looking like it was going to storm again that night so I went and put the envelope in my car. Every time I went to my car for the rest of the week I had a thought to take the envelope and put it back on the table like it was a mistake but without fail God assured me that He would supply me with the money for this young lady. 
The other example came a couple days ago. I have really been see-sawing about going back to Bethany. I really haven't been enjoying this summer and it had made me a little bit sour about going back. I knew that it's where God wanted me, but I just wanted to go a different direction and have fun for a while. Then I had a prayer time on Tuesday. I was reading the word and praying and God gave me a revelation of His wealth, it was pretty cool. Well when the group showed up I really felt like I was supposed to be doing other things so I kind ditched out. I had been at the gym before prayer but hadn't showered yet so I went and got washed off and was praying while I was in there. God used the revelation of wealth that He had given me and gave me assurance that He would take care of my needs if only I would stop fighting Him. It was definitely a shot to the face of my pride and independance but I knew at that moment that I would be going back to school in Fall.
I don't know how He is going to make it happen or even if I will make it through the school year but that's not my concern, He said He would and I will follow Him. There are other example that I could give from the last few weeks of choices I have made in pursuit of Him, but those will stay with me for now.

well, it's safe to say that with only a couple weeks left of summer I'm kind of freaked out. The happenings of last summer combined with my dreamer mentality and a few extra weeks of summer inflated my hopes of how much money I would make this summer and yeah I didn't come close to it. I know that I am supposed to go back to school but the amount of faith it's taking to believe in God's provision is hard to come by right now. My plans haven't changed because this is the road I have chosen and to stop now would only lead to regret over all things I have sacrificed to this point from God's leading.