So it's been kind of a crazy time lately. Struggles and breakthroughs that are followed by more struggles and more breakthroughs has kind of been my pattern of life right now. Not sure if it needs to be said, but it is sort of a tiring cycle. Compound that with the fact that I still don't really have anyone around here that I fit with though that is kind of changing/improving.
So let me share a few of the lessons that I have been learning very recently.
1) While my journey as a believer began in earnest after graduation, I have begun to realize that people were prophesying over me and praying for me for countless years prior to that. Seems kind of obvious to now, I was a little psycho on the fast track to prison and addiction but God has never allowed it. When the majority of my brothers have struggled with addictions to drugs, alcohol, and porn while I have basically never gone beyond the fringes of those social circles I have to be amazed. I desire sex, but so much more than that, I desire to have my best friend - the one that I can hold while we sleep and just enjoy as a person that God has designed for me. I'm not spotless, but God has kept me from many things that would have taken me away.
2) A related theme that I have received - most through visions but also through prophecy, is that I have an impossible to achieve on my own/in my own strength kind of destiny. I believe that is God's voice so I am unwavering in my pursuit of it, but in the pursuit I get tired, frustrated, and terrified. We were having a prayer meeting last night and some of the stuff that was being prayed over me so too intense for me to handle and I had to walk out to get my bearing. Well some of the stronger ones amongst the group came after me. One of the girls told me that I can't fail. I can't fail because it's not me doing the work. I am a worker so it's hard for me to swallow, but it was certainly the word that I needed to hear!
3) I am who I am supposed to be. I've never really liked pretense or masks - they just lead to suffocation, but I was never really satisfied with who I am. Like in the natural realm it is explainable, I come from a very successful and gifted family of which I was always sort of the runt. It's hard growing up thinking you were never good enough but again, I wasn't really suicidal so God protected me from it having too much play in my conscience. Now I know that I am who I am because it's who I am supposed to be. I'm extreme and stubborn so that I will persevere and never fear limits, I am a dreamer so that I can truly believe - not just possibilities but the things that are actually happening, the real beliefs.
My characteristics and my life have God written all over them but kind of like the King needing Daniel to read the writing on the wall, I need the Spirit, my community and more experience to grasp how God has played things out. But don't give up, he is working everything out!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
A mysterious exchange
So, i've been through a few years of bible training now and I keep hearing about the Trinity - Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Well I find that there is a great discrepancy between the Spirit-filled believers and the yet-to-be-filled believers. I have heard from denominations that believe that the move of the Spirit can't happen anymore, except it does so I don't know how that works. I have heard from denominations that say it can happen, but it doesn't too often so I wouldn't call that belief so I don't know what to call that. What I might say I know is that beliefs are lived out and acted upon.
People at Bethany believe in the Baptism of the Spirit. We just had our Holy Spirit kick off chapel on Friday night, not the literal name for it - but that's what it was. The professed ideas are acted out here. That has been something I have noticed from the first time I stepped foot here when I visited last year. They love prayer so we pray for each other a lot! It is a missionary school, so we have required outreaches to stretch our comfort levels. There is a strong emphasis on fasting so we fast quite often - like every tuesday from lunch, for the first 6 months from dating, from media for the first 2 months and as often as personally desired. Truly living what is the spoken beliefs.
I think that so often we get caught up in the Trinity that we forget that they comprise one being. Now no true believer would ever say that, but it just seems to come through in peoples actions and speech. We classify "God" and "Jesus" and "Holy Spirit" so much but forget that as one they share attributes. Talking about Jesus for today is the same as talking about the Spirit. It is crazy to me that so many have such a hard time with this, because Jesus himself said it would be better for us that He would leave so that the Spirit could be sent. Like really, it is better! Our salvation comes through the work of Christ on the cross, I am not disputing that at all but like what about the 2000 years since then. The Spirit has been kicking it here that long but so many believers reject him.
Well I have seen the fruits from the commitment. At this moment there are 15 new January students plus 40/50+ students from the Rivendell school. Not surprisingly, each one of these new students is in a new place in relation to the work of the Spirit. On Friday night we had a chapel service for the purpose of having them receive Him. It was pretty much the most like intense 4 1/2 hours of ministry and Spirit time that I have had since like the first week of school. A mysterious and glorious exchange happened in many lives and it was beautiful to see.
Like honestly, I can't say that somethings that happen don't seem weird to me, but that is human logic. Anytime God moves throughout the scriptures it is supernatural aka strange. So why is it that we get bothered by it now when there is so much evidence in the scripture that barely phases us. Is it possible, because even people who say it can happen, don't believe it will and certainly aren't open to the reality that it will. I pray for the baptism of fire to come upon our church as it did at the first, but God in His infinite patients waits for us to open up to it. There is no greater thing than bowing before the cross and allowing the fullness of God work in us, to receive the exchange.
People at Bethany believe in the Baptism of the Spirit. We just had our Holy Spirit kick off chapel on Friday night, not the literal name for it - but that's what it was. The professed ideas are acted out here. That has been something I have noticed from the first time I stepped foot here when I visited last year. They love prayer so we pray for each other a lot! It is a missionary school, so we have required outreaches to stretch our comfort levels. There is a strong emphasis on fasting so we fast quite often - like every tuesday from lunch, for the first 6 months from dating, from media for the first 2 months and as often as personally desired. Truly living what is the spoken beliefs.
I think that so often we get caught up in the Trinity that we forget that they comprise one being. Now no true believer would ever say that, but it just seems to come through in peoples actions and speech. We classify "God" and "Jesus" and "Holy Spirit" so much but forget that as one they share attributes. Talking about Jesus for today is the same as talking about the Spirit. It is crazy to me that so many have such a hard time with this, because Jesus himself said it would be better for us that He would leave so that the Spirit could be sent. Like really, it is better! Our salvation comes through the work of Christ on the cross, I am not disputing that at all but like what about the 2000 years since then. The Spirit has been kicking it here that long but so many believers reject him.
Well I have seen the fruits from the commitment. At this moment there are 15 new January students plus 40/50+ students from the Rivendell school. Not surprisingly, each one of these new students is in a new place in relation to the work of the Spirit. On Friday night we had a chapel service for the purpose of having them receive Him. It was pretty much the most like intense 4 1/2 hours of ministry and Spirit time that I have had since like the first week of school. A mysterious and glorious exchange happened in many lives and it was beautiful to see.
Like honestly, I can't say that somethings that happen don't seem weird to me, but that is human logic. Anytime God moves throughout the scriptures it is supernatural aka strange. So why is it that we get bothered by it now when there is so much evidence in the scripture that barely phases us. Is it possible, because even people who say it can happen, don't believe it will and certainly aren't open to the reality that it will. I pray for the baptism of fire to come upon our church as it did at the first, but God in His infinite patients waits for us to open up to it. There is no greater thing than bowing before the cross and allowing the fullness of God work in us, to receive the exchange.
Monday, December 6, 2010
The King's Banquet
To start let me explain what the "King's Banquet" is. The title is based off of Luke 14:16 - 24. The whole premise of the outreach was to serve the less fortune that are all over the metro. It became a much bigger thing than most would have imagined though. I will be giving a run through of the day as it happened for me.
The day started early, we left school at about 8 am and headed downtown to Club3degrees. We unloaded our stuff and started to get into what the day would be. There was a intercession time right away, praise and prayer over what would be happening. It was a really good way to start off, I had a couple people pray over me and yeah, I got pretty overwhelmed by Him. So around 10 we started breaking up into groups to go do some last minute inviting.
I drove a group of 4 others a little bit Northwest, we ended up in Robinsdale. The majority of the time was spent handing out invitations to people that we came across. The very first guy that we talked to was pretty resistant to religion, well so are we, but still in a very different way. He was an elderly man and described some of his life experience to us. Before he walked away I took the opportunity to lay hands on him and pray for him and his family.
At noon we headed back downtown. It took a little while to find the highway again, but no big deal there. We got back downtown and I was immediately turned around about where we were. Ya, we were super lost and I hadn't the slightest clue where to go. So after wandering around for a while we saw another group and followed them most of the way back to Club3.
Once we finally made it back we promptly starting eating lunch - Little Caesars. They was a lot of food and everybody got their fill. At about 1 another intercession time was started, well while that was happening I was trying to remember where I had parked and I couldn't figure it out. So as much as I wanted to stay and pray for the evening I knew that I wouldn't have time later in the afternoon and didn't want to try to figure it out at midnight when the clean up was finished, so I slipped out.
Fast forward an hour and a half, I had been wandering around downtown just trying to figure out where I had parked. I finally found it, and it turned out to only have been like two blocks right down the street from the club, God is funny like that!
So I headed back just as the informational meeting was going on for us. Basically a lot of details that didn't really apply to me too much. I was told that I was going to be a server so I listened to what was being said, and waited to hear my section assignment but it never came. So I spent the next couple hours just chilling until things got straightened out and I was given a job assignment.
Sometime between 5 and 6 I was told to help buss the dishes from the tables. It wasn't really what I was hoping for, but it was way better than I anticipated. Except for the table hosts I got to have the most interaction with the guests and yeah, it was super sweet! So 6 o'clock came around and there was a huge line at the door, from that I hear it went all the way down the block and around the corner. So our invitations had been effective! But I heard that there might not be enough tables for everybody, which would have been a major downer! Well every table but one was filled and the evening was a blast!!!!
To sum it up, ministry - thats what everything was geared toward. There were three different testimonies from transformed lives, a skit, one of the best praise bands I've ever heard, and just love.
The people were drawn in by the meal - four courses, but many of them stayed because of the message and the opportunity. The night wrapped up with each table host offering to wash the feet of the people at their table. I really wanted to get in on this but I wasn't able to, maybe my only regret from the day, but I became one of the runners from the supplies to the table hosts. The washing included a foot washing (obvious), an anointing with oil and a new pair of socks for each person.
It was amazing, the response of so many of these people to what we were doing for them. Most of the people in attendance were African - American, and what I kept hearing from them was why a bunch of white people would do all this for them. Well, our motivation was Jesus and it was so good!!!!
So the whole evening lasted about 4 hours. So at 10 the buses came back to return them to their many locations. Then clean up began in earnest! I had been cleaning for most of the evening so I toned it down from this point on. The first thing I did was grab some of the extra food from the downstairs and I have to say that it was pretty dang good stuff! Soup, Salad, Roast Beef w/ Mashed Potatoes and gravy, and finally pie - either Pumpkin or Apple and yeah everything was super good!
The clean up wrapped up at about Midnight but at that point I was just waiting for the people that I drove to finish up their stuff. So while I was waiting I listened to one of the main guys from Trinity works (the ministry that did a lot of the work on this) talk to Bryce and Eric. He mentioned that one of his friends had come in and was swept with a vision of this happening at the Target Center. That is no small leap, but the funny thing about that vision is that a couple of us had been talking about that before the banquet started. So if you believe in coincidence that go ahead and chalk it up to that, but I don't. God has so many plans for this thing in the future and it was such a blessing to be apart of the first one!
So around 12:30 I finally got to leave the club and head over to where we were staying. Thus began the worst night of sleep I have probably ever had. There was no heat in the building, no hot water through the night, and all I had was a single blanket on the ground. So yeah, I didn't get too much sleep and what I got was far from restful!
But we got up around 8 am and started getting our stuff together. We had a testimony time for a couple of hours before we left. Yeah, it was incredibly emotional to hear all of the stories from my brothers and sisters here at the school. Unfortunately, the reality of not all good coming from the evening was clearly pronounced by one of my close friends, which lead to an intense time of just weeping and interceding again for the lives of the people from that evening.
So in no short order we wrapped up and headed back to Bethany. I got back at a little after 12 and started loading my car for the drive home. So yeah, that was my Monday and Tuesday morning before Thanksgiving 2010. God is moving, let Him move!
The day started early, we left school at about 8 am and headed downtown to Club3degrees. We unloaded our stuff and started to get into what the day would be. There was a intercession time right away, praise and prayer over what would be happening. It was a really good way to start off, I had a couple people pray over me and yeah, I got pretty overwhelmed by Him. So around 10 we started breaking up into groups to go do some last minute inviting.
I drove a group of 4 others a little bit Northwest, we ended up in Robinsdale. The majority of the time was spent handing out invitations to people that we came across. The very first guy that we talked to was pretty resistant to religion, well so are we, but still in a very different way. He was an elderly man and described some of his life experience to us. Before he walked away I took the opportunity to lay hands on him and pray for him and his family.
At noon we headed back downtown. It took a little while to find the highway again, but no big deal there. We got back downtown and I was immediately turned around about where we were. Ya, we were super lost and I hadn't the slightest clue where to go. So after wandering around for a while we saw another group and followed them most of the way back to Club3.
Once we finally made it back we promptly starting eating lunch - Little Caesars. They was a lot of food and everybody got their fill. At about 1 another intercession time was started, well while that was happening I was trying to remember where I had parked and I couldn't figure it out. So as much as I wanted to stay and pray for the evening I knew that I wouldn't have time later in the afternoon and didn't want to try to figure it out at midnight when the clean up was finished, so I slipped out.
Fast forward an hour and a half, I had been wandering around downtown just trying to figure out where I had parked. I finally found it, and it turned out to only have been like two blocks right down the street from the club, God is funny like that!
So I headed back just as the informational meeting was going on for us. Basically a lot of details that didn't really apply to me too much. I was told that I was going to be a server so I listened to what was being said, and waited to hear my section assignment but it never came. So I spent the next couple hours just chilling until things got straightened out and I was given a job assignment.
Sometime between 5 and 6 I was told to help buss the dishes from the tables. It wasn't really what I was hoping for, but it was way better than I anticipated. Except for the table hosts I got to have the most interaction with the guests and yeah, it was super sweet! So 6 o'clock came around and there was a huge line at the door, from that I hear it went all the way down the block and around the corner. So our invitations had been effective! But I heard that there might not be enough tables for everybody, which would have been a major downer! Well every table but one was filled and the evening was a blast!!!!
To sum it up, ministry - thats what everything was geared toward. There were three different testimonies from transformed lives, a skit, one of the best praise bands I've ever heard, and just love.
The people were drawn in by the meal - four courses, but many of them stayed because of the message and the opportunity. The night wrapped up with each table host offering to wash the feet of the people at their table. I really wanted to get in on this but I wasn't able to, maybe my only regret from the day, but I became one of the runners from the supplies to the table hosts. The washing included a foot washing (obvious), an anointing with oil and a new pair of socks for each person.
It was amazing, the response of so many of these people to what we were doing for them. Most of the people in attendance were African - American, and what I kept hearing from them was why a bunch of white people would do all this for them. Well, our motivation was Jesus and it was so good!!!!
So the whole evening lasted about 4 hours. So at 10 the buses came back to return them to their many locations. Then clean up began in earnest! I had been cleaning for most of the evening so I toned it down from this point on. The first thing I did was grab some of the extra food from the downstairs and I have to say that it was pretty dang good stuff! Soup, Salad, Roast Beef w/ Mashed Potatoes and gravy, and finally pie - either Pumpkin or Apple and yeah everything was super good!
The clean up wrapped up at about Midnight but at that point I was just waiting for the people that I drove to finish up their stuff. So while I was waiting I listened to one of the main guys from Trinity works (the ministry that did a lot of the work on this) talk to Bryce and Eric. He mentioned that one of his friends had come in and was swept with a vision of this happening at the Target Center. That is no small leap, but the funny thing about that vision is that a couple of us had been talking about that before the banquet started. So if you believe in coincidence that go ahead and chalk it up to that, but I don't. God has so many plans for this thing in the future and it was such a blessing to be apart of the first one!
So around 12:30 I finally got to leave the club and head over to where we were staying. Thus began the worst night of sleep I have probably ever had. There was no heat in the building, no hot water through the night, and all I had was a single blanket on the ground. So yeah, I didn't get too much sleep and what I got was far from restful!
But we got up around 8 am and started getting our stuff together. We had a testimony time for a couple of hours before we left. Yeah, it was incredibly emotional to hear all of the stories from my brothers and sisters here at the school. Unfortunately, the reality of not all good coming from the evening was clearly pronounced by one of my close friends, which lead to an intense time of just weeping and interceding again for the lives of the people from that evening.
So in no short order we wrapped up and headed back to Bethany. I got back at a little after 12 and started loading my car for the drive home. So yeah, that was my Monday and Tuesday morning before Thanksgiving 2010. God is moving, let Him move!
Monday, November 29, 2010
A different kind of outreach
So it's late November right now which predictably means less than desirable weather, but its been raining all day. Not exactly what I would call expected or appreciated...but at least my car is a little cleaner. Anyways, because of that, it was determined to be too dangerous to drive to the U tonight. Instead we had a group meeting about experiences over the last few weeks which lead into an Uber sweet time of interceding and ministering to each other. I just left a couple minutes ago but it is very likely still going. I wanted to record a couple of things that were prayed over me.
Leader
Drenched in oil, splattering it all over the place - gonna set the world on fire
Mighty man of valor/birth of a man
in need of no other lovers
belly is the wellspring of the oil
A new path
Joy
Confirmation that the shave/hair cut have brought a new season
sonship - Ephesians 1
renewal
My being at bethany was not an accident, He brought me here and wants me here
peace - no more striving
to stop wandering, stop searching just rest in the Lord
stop looking for explainations and words to say, just let God speak.
Leader
Drenched in oil, splattering it all over the place - gonna set the world on fire
Mighty man of valor/birth of a man
in need of no other lovers
belly is the wellspring of the oil
A new path
Joy
Confirmation that the shave/hair cut have brought a new season
sonship - Ephesians 1
renewal
My being at bethany was not an accident, He brought me here and wants me here
peace - no more striving
to stop wandering, stop searching just rest in the Lord
stop looking for explainations and words to say, just let God speak.
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